Friday, April 29, 2011

Wrangling: {Colorado, part II}

"And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything."
~William Shakespeare

It's been a long week. A good week, but a long one.

Proportionally, just as it took me a little bit longer to wake up and get going this morning (um: jet lag is no joke, guys. It's midnight and I'm still going strong. Which, you know, shouldn't be a big deal, being a Friday and all. But I'm old a *mature* adult who needs 8+ hours of sleep ...& this is quite abnormal for me.); it has taken me until now to really process things to the point where I can sit down and write about it.

But as I sit here, cradling a cup of coffee and listening to the cats chase each other happily, their paws thudding softly on the wood floor, I realize I am finally there. So I write.

I'm not sure when I first realized this, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I feel closest to God when I am outside. In fact, to take this one step deeper, I believe (also beyond a shadow of a doubt) that I may be the best version of myself when I am outside. Something inside me just settles, opens, clicks into place; breathing, "this is right." ...And there's just something about being up in the mountains, up in the quiet, raw, vastness of creation that makes His presence just that much more undeniable.

For several months now, my dreams have taken me, consistently and continually, to the west. Reds & browns; rich, strong wood and cool turquoise stone; these visual expressions of my soul made it onto the pages of my illustrated dream journal time and time again. Now I know why.

All this time my heart and soul were reaching forward, preparing for revival... renewal... redemption.

It's been a season of unrest for me; a season of frustration and pain, of seeking and coming up lost time & time again. I've spent so much time & energy wondering 'what if?' and searching for answers. I was worn out.

Then this past Wednesday I found myself in the Rocky Mountains.

I found myself profoundly moved as I experienced true beauty. And I found my heart feeling so full that even as words failed me, my soul raised it's arms to the heavens in praise, every fiber of my being reverberating "Thank you."

I found myself feeling treasured, and loved and enough ... even as I was humbled by the grandeur of the landscape surrounding me...awed by the smallness I felt in the midst of it all.

I did not find solutions to the equations that often spin through my brain, keeping me awake & aching into the wee hours of the night. I found something better.

I found peace.

I believe that there is a subtle magnetism in Nature, which, if we unconsciously yield to it, will direct us aright.

~Henry David Thoreau